I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize