Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
