Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Redeem this text for a blowjob
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
