i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
