My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
