I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize