Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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