I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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