so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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