Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
