Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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