My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
