I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
only if we run a train.
done.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
