FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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