evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
