this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
