Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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