it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
did i walk over a car last night?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
