You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
