Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
