i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just high enough for therapy.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
