and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize