I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
