I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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