i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
