Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
