I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
this boner is exhausting
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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