I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
