just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
