why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
