So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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