Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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