making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
