He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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