I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
