Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Christians are straight up FREAKS
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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