Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
