I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
