I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
