You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
