dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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