take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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