If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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