finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
