Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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