thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
