I accidentally had phone sex last night
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
