i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
