Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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