Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
