is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
