Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
