At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
