woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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