wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
