Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
