I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize