I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
