When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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