I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
