i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
