My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
My hand turned me down
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
