Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
