i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Randomize
