we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
