Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
