I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
