I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize