A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Don't make out with my wife yet
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize