Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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