dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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