My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
