Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
