Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
