It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
