Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Randomize
