My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Operation Purity has been aborted
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
