Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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