Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
