Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
