Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
