and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
