He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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