i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
wow bdsm is so cute
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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