Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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