addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
